When someone you love gives you mixed signals with respect to their emotions, behaviour, promises or actions, you never get to know where you stand in their lives.
Someone who is only consistent in being extremely inconsistent is a partner who is on and off, and having such a person in your life can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences anyone can ever go through.
This young woman, who tells us about how her relationship has so far been a nerve-wracking cycle of disappearances and reappearances by her boyfriend, is one of the many people who are familiar with this relationship struggle.
She is one of the many people who are just like this young woman. It must have been the same thing that Simi was going through when she wrote the heartfelt song “Gone For Good.”
When you have a partner who is inconsistent, there are fleeting glimpses of all the wonderful qualities that you admire and value in a partner and in a relationship.
However, these glimpses are fleeting and do not occur consistently. Not only in a sexual setting, but also elsewhere, they are able to provide you with an experience that is on par with the ecstasy brought on by drugs.
An inconsistent partner could be the babe with whom conversations are natural, with whom romance is spontaneous, and with whom sex is always like a well-rehearsed ballet – gliding beautifully from step to step, from blissful level to the next, until a perfect crescendo is breathlessly achieved.
A partner who is inconsistent could be the person who does all of these things as well as others. He skillfully interweaves his life with yours, luring you in with a glimpse of everything you yearn for in a companion, and ultimately bringing you together.
He is the epitome of the ideal gentleman. You’ve always wanted someone with broad shoulders to cry on, and he provides that for you. When you picture yourself at your big Nigerian wedding, he is the person whose face you see standing next to you. He is so kind, so pleasant, so charming, and so… everything. He has it all.
Whether it is the male who is inconsistent or the female, what follows the gloriously affectionate moments are dreadful disappearing acts that leave you dumbfounded, starved, confused, crazy, empty, and self-condemning.
After making you open up, trust, become tied to them, become dependent on them for emotional balance, and mindlessly slip into love with them, their attachment to you is in a way that makes it easy for them to untangle themselves after having made you open up, trust, become emotionally dependent on them, and fall in love with them.
Shola, a resident of Lagos who was in a relationship with an inconsistent partner for approximately two year, claims that the experience is “the most frustrating thing ever.” Partners who are inconsistent can never be good for a long period of time or bad permanently.
The first thing that every partner who is inconsistent does to you is to put you in a situation where you are constantly feeling frustrated. You are aware of what can be accomplished.
You are aware of the degree of tenderness that this partner is capable of, and you have witnessed and experienced, at least to some extent, the levels of romantic fulfillment that can be achieved with this person; however, there is only a small portion of that sweetness that is being offered to you, and it is driving you absolutely insane.
It’s the same as getting someone addicted to a drug and then taking it away from them all of a sudden. Frustration is one of the withdrawal symptoms that may be experienced in this scenario. You are not free to have them whenever you like.
“I have to admit that I stayed in that relationship for far too long. “But I knew I could no longer bear it when it was obvious that I would never be able to depend on the guy,” says Funmi. “That was the moment I knew I had to cut ties with him.”
Inconsistent partners will always come back, most of the time when you have decided to move on because you are sick of their bull crap and have had enough of it.
They provide explanations, justifications, and promises that they will improve in the future. The majority of the time, the reasons they give are not actually reasons.
They elevate excuses that can be overcome with a moderate amount of effort, such as being too busy, misplacing one’s phone, being unable to obtain credit, and so on and so forth.
Because they are so familiar with you and know exactly which buttons to press, you find that you are willing to give them one more opportunity. And after that, one more opportunity, and then another, and another after that.
Even though you are aware that it is unlikely that they will improve as promised, they will sound so convincing that you will find yourself letting them back in, despite the fact that something inside of you is screaming no.
Your mental state will deteriorate as a direct result of the repeated pattern of vanishing, apologizing, and reappearing, which will ultimately lead to your downfall. When this happens, it is very difficult to determine what is right and what is wrong.
“I was prepared to move on with my life, but then he made another appearance. I do love him a lot, but I’m not sure if what we’re doing is right or wrong right now ”
“This guy would just vanish for days at a time, leaving me in a state of constant worry. He would always return, each time citing a different justification for his absence, the good news is, it is never too late to turn things around. Femi says”
You have the ability to insist on being treated in a particular manner and to steadfastly adhere to the standards of behavior you have established for another individual.
Instead of attempting to fill a void with Mr. Wrong, you can be true to the standards you have set for yourself in a relationship and wait for Mr. Right to come along.
“ Conclusion , you are presented with two options: You can be the woman who triumphs and gets the incredible guy, or you can be the woman who persists in making sacrifices for the man who is unreliable.
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